Warning: Contents feminist. If you think this is hysterical lesbian seeking supremacy over men, stop reading and go back to your cave.
Macho A: The machismo is the fault of women
Macho B: And gay!
The above conversation could be hilarious if it were not for that he or she heard, and one of those statements made someone I respect very intellectually.
"In a patriarchal society, all are sexist, including women and all were victims of it, including men ..." So begins the cover of "El Machismo Invisible" of Marina Castañeda. This is not a war between the sexes, it is not live among men, masculine women and feminine. These attitudes are so deeply rooted in our society that we are not aware of them. I think this is the second time I recommend a reading and it is curious that the former was "Men are from Mars and women from Venus" , but really think the Invisible Machismo as a must read for understanding the origin and consequences actual gender inequality and distrust.
Feminism is now considered obsolete. Even women consider it shameful to be a feminist, as if to put them at the same level as sexist. They are so used that their rights do not stop to think about how they were achieved. They are so accustomed to social constraints they consider normal. They allegedly sold both the women who believe that is what they want. The campaign to discredit feminism has been a success. It seems to be a feminist is synonymous with hating men. With men like something happens, some deny (even sincerely) to be macho, but often fall into patanescas and even misogynistic attitudes.
patanerías
In all, that I find most disturbing, because it is less obvious is the sexism in communication, the meta-message. Passive-aggressive attacks emotionally draining.
Silence is not a position neutral forces the other to fill the gap of communication. When a person speaks angrily but not shown in gestures or tone of voice, the problem began to be of this ends up back on the second, who asks if this annoying and get no for an answer. Should interpret its true intent if we continue the exchange and is in a position dificles. Is a power dynamic that compels us to "read his mind." Is to leave all the work of communication in one person. The incongruity communication creates uncertainty which usually favors one of the people at the expense of the other. This ambiguity can express power without making it explicit and therefore difficult to give a contraréplica. Men, especially in romantic relationships tend to use silence as an expression of power or as punishment. The prerogative of the strongest.
In a dynamic group who talks more is who has more power, as such men usually talk while women facilitate communication or move to leave them alone with their talks "feminine." The paradox is that in the intimacy of women speak a lot more, but why not have more power. The strongest is not talking more, but you can decide when to do it and when not. The men's reluctance to communicate with women is not a biological failure. If not an unconscious habit most of the time the easy way out, laziness and make an effort if they would in the presence of others. The classic: "I have not got anything to say" is just a cheap excuse. The silence creates a personal abyss can be distressing and is usually she who must try to cross it. For details, review my experience on this .
The same dynamic applies when the dominant person restricts the conditions imposed dialogue with phrases like: "I will not talk about it while you are well," I will not discuss that now "or" I do not want to walk venting our l personal life. "
I also call attention to the macho-management "is that I'm like ..." in response to any claim in a relationship. Involves first: "It's your problem, adapt, secondly, the irrefutable argument:" You can not ask me to change my way of being "and, thirdly, the implicit threat of" If you do not, go. " It may seem very logical, but remember that a relationship requires dialogue and negotiation.
For those who take some time reading my blog will be very clear why these attitudes seem so frightening. But make no mistake, readers, do not say that the fault of men, or that all are sexist, just that many times, both men and women, we are drawn into this social problem is the machismo and hurt us much at all.
Big Man With A Gun by Nine Inch Nails
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