Dear Constant Reader:
First of all I want to thank you for your loyalty and patience during my unscheduled absence. I regret not advised, but maybe when you finish reading understand my reasons. Now let me tell you a story.
This blog has recorded three years of my life. I started writing during extremely happy with my life, and then when everything collapsed, he became my memory and my therapy.
The five years that give their name to this post began when I entered the CCH. My life changed complete and thought out of despair of my stormy puberty. In almost three years I was what now seems a lifetime. That ended when he left. I died and I was reborn. He was about to turn 18 and I felt torn inside.
From that moment my life became a downward spiral. Went through hell and the way I learned many things, met many people and in retrospect I think it was worth it.
The funny, or sad, whatever you see, is that although I have tried to rebuild my life several times throughout the blog and reinvent myself, kept my self-destructive habits. My learning seemed wasted that committed the same mistakes over and over again. The problem was inside me, not at school where he was the boyfriend who had (or leave me) or my interests at that time.
had a monster inside, filling me apathy, discouragement and feeding the emptiness in my chest with frustration. You know his face, reader. I've seen in any of my entries labeled "pain" or "confusion."
But this holiday season something happened. Something hard to explain and therefore impossible to write. Suddenly, the pieces began to fit and my past, my desires and ambitions began to make sense. Envy, frustration and fear of aging woke me and when I opened eyes saw everything clearly. I stopped writing because I was in my cocoon. I became quick, but deeply. Now I have a goal. I'm the arrow, the bow and I'm aiming high.
You can still read my adventures and opinions in this blog, my nightmares Mr. Hyde and other oddities in my new Tumblr . You can spy on my social networks, ask anonymously or write, but I must tell you that things will be different, because in addition to a therapy and a means of communication, used the blog as a social experiment. What happens when one has bared his soul in public?
know now and not feel need to share my results (it is more likely that the images you). I learned that lying is sometimes necessary to tell the truth. Now I see the option as a means to protect myself. I will tell you many things, but not all. Maybe let you peer through a crack, or send you a postcard, a misguided polaroid to wonder where the hell I am, who I am now. I
cured (not seem) my compulsive need to explain everything. To justify every move, as if it were obvious, like if you could not figure it out for yourself. I'll leave room for speculation, margin for error. It is so important. I do keep the truth and is what counts. The joke is to read between the lines.
As I write, I'm more concerned with living my life than transcribe. It was quite a surprise for me to realize I do not need witnesses to all that the moment they are still beautiful and that I alone can appreciate.
twenty years will comply soon. It's been five years since my life began to catch up to speed and learn to manage it properly now.
a hug you, wherever you are. I hope we continue this relationship as platonic. You, reading me, avoiding time and space. Our minds are touched. Thank you for staying here.
by Brian Molko Five Years
0 comments:
Post a Comment