Today I can finally write and say sincerely that I am free. That all this pain sole purpose was to strengthen me. Today I can honestly say I do not want a relationship, and that the past no longer hurt. To understand this story, there are several things that I tell.
in my life have always mattered more people than me. My expectations were high and therefore I was never satisfied. When it came time to be in a relationship only my expectations were raised and the person in question was both my age and my pride. His achievements were mine, for that was mine. Her virtues graced my world and I just had to correct what I did not like and add what you wanted.
had a totally sick of what was supposed to be love. Do not think that just thinking about me, because even in my selfishness, I wanted to offer and complement. For my love to liquefy meant losing oneself, forget the rest of the world and live in a self-referential universe which gradually eliminates all traces of others. They can then get an idea of \u200b\u200bwhat to me represented the breaks. It was as if I literally ripped off a piece of the body. My world was a half and when I left was not only his own world, but they stole part of mine.
addition to the two times I died are the rejects. I have always been hunting for whom I had not hunted. I never liked those I love. My ego is fragile, I am ashamed to admit it, but it's true, and each rejection was once like a dagger in the abdomen, some deeper than others. The sum of all I was twisting the guts, altering the image that was me. Still do not understand you pay with contempt admiration, nor what propelled me to continue with such clear signs of disinterest.
My vicious circle of love, suffer, lose-hunting was the way I endured the last two years. Trying to convince me that was fine, that I had already forgotten that only hunted for fun. I liked several people since I'm single and all have been disappointing and sometimes downright cruel.
The last time I was dragged about two weeks ago, although the weather does not get along with the pain and catharsis. I was ashamed of my lack of willpower to kiss that boy and kissed worse another in a bar just out of spite and fun. That is the reason I had not written. How to meet my readers face, betray myself, breaking my own promises? How dare I think of possible relations with these two people?
not bear my humiliation when a strange series of events brought me to this moment I feel full and calm. I managed to take my silly obsession with the boy who kissed her and felt glad that, when my two ex boyfriends and the subject of bar I looked. Could it be that the stars were aligned so that all the pain, past and present, new hopes and broken and had unresolved problems are put together that way?
Then it happened, I can not say at what time, or why, or how, just did not care all that. I calmly accept and decline invitations and continue my life without any expectations. I left behind all the men in my life. Those who weighed and they were only an escape. I do not feel alone because I do not feel incomplete. I feel that I finally learned a lesson I should learn. My pain has not been in vain, that my search has taught me that I finally know myself and I do not need anyone else.
Today I can say without lying that what worries me most is my school, which had neglected my family, my friends and books and movies I see. I have many tattoos make me feel like new, just for fun and writing here a couple of frivolous and worldly views that I would like to show.
Maybe now they seem boring, perhaps the entry is not worthwhile to be read, but I have done well to write it and be able to share with you, my readers. Much thanks for your patience, both for my absence, for inconsistencies and dramas that I usually write. I am not the person who used to be. Some may no longer read me, others may see further and stay with me. He writes Andrea
, the panther, who finally made it out of its cage and it feels more powerful than ever.
Bachelorette by Bjork
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