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Like a fish

Another mini-entry. Why am I writing this? Because I am prone to commit all sorts of indiscretions and bad decisions (with much hype and drama). I want to clarify that I am not dramatic on purpose and I am aware that it is unfortunate that I have a defect. Acted in the heat of the moment and I often do things that I regret over and over again.

Why is entitled "Like a Fish"? Because the die mouth. Whether oral or written, what I say is generally unfortunate. I am a person indiscreet, foolish and reckless. They just do not shut up and might not be so disastrous if it did not involve anyone but me, but not usually the case. I can not save my comments, I can not keep secrets, not even mine. Sola ruined me many opportunities I get in trouble free.

me sick so, first by the amount of unnecessary trouble and I get second, I hate to be apologizing all the time. Yes, I regret the things I do, but I feel pathetic apology always. Always ashamed.

I would be more cautious, more sensible, more discreet, more mature. There are days that I will not hold even myself. This is one of my sad hours.

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The 16 was 19, Milk's birthday, my best friend. He had a big party with Jack Daniel's, friends, music, and some things I should not put illegal. It was sooo good, it hurts that he was too unconscious to remember everything. On 17 my favorite band, Los Gatos, played at the Foro Alicia and luckily I could go with one of my best friends, Ximena Bitch aka Luz, who had come to Regina and finished one week before Elvira, Fluff and I drink first in a back room and then at home for a photographer we met that night.

Anyway, the night of the gig we too early, people glancing hostile formed as usual, while Ximena and I we took the obligatory pictures. We were in the third cigarette when my beloved cats out of the room. I run towards them shouting: Any ! , who answered me with an enthusiastic: Nicotine! At this point, the reader, please take a minute to imagine the faces of awe, envy and hatred of wannabe whores row to see that. Muajaja. Los Gatos (two thirds of them, the Rockies lost on the way) we say they have no clubhouse, and it's not cool to be paradote there, so we invited a few beers in a hotel for the night is the official clubhouse. They drink, watch television, talk and begins to reach more people. At half past eleven Bitch and I decided to go to Alicia to see what band is playing. Los Gatos let us go alone with the promise that we will not leave until they touch. Just hear the final notes of the Greedy, after (not sure of the order) saw Los Pardos (I almost come when they played "Road to Hell") and Los Locos Rebels. Both were magnificent. Some guys took us out to dance and invited us beer, friendly bar subject we kept our stuff to have freedom of movement. I saw familiar faces, some people recognized me, me, including a girl who still remembers that one year before I got to dance in the bar. "Shame? Nah.

Cats take the stage, I make my way to the front with Ximena stuck to my heels and beer in hand we become mad. Misfit, cover of Radiohead's Creep, was echoed by all, some in English. Any girls starts to climb on stage, Bitch and I among them. The last time I was the only one, but hey, I better not spoiled. Yes, I devoted Any "Amorcito", just as promised. We got, we heard "Hit the Road Jack" in English, we took photos (Pacobilly. ufff ..) and leave early elegantly site, apologizing to the Cats through the big brother Jack, who incidentally is a great dancer.

I can not wait for our next outing, bitch, and as well said, when you're with me, who knows where you finish.

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Well readers, although at this moment I am preparing several entries I feel the urgent need to share my grief with you through this mini-entry.

say evil of many, the consolation of fools. It may be true, but I somehow comforts me to know other people who have been the same as I (and worst). Today I write about losing an object.

losing things affect me in a very peculiar. I feel like my whole world is derailed, that everything is wrong. The feeling of not remembering where I put something where I could have fallen and have the mind all the time full of anxiety that literally makes me sick. I have a headache and stomach, even cold sweat. Money

things with emotional value, useful, expensive things, it hurts all the same. A part of my life is not and at first I can not function well without this subject. The worst that I can lose is that which is not as valuable in itself, but for its content. Losing a cell phone with your pictures, phone numbers and other crap can really depressing to many people regardless of its price. What

what I lost now? It was just a filthy agendita they gave me in school. Nothing special. Except that there write down everything that I did not want to forget and so it is like losing your memory. Hell, I'm in a bad mood.

What hurt them most to lose? How did you feel? Consuelenme please with their most painful loss in material matters. We are reading.

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Today I can finally write and say sincerely that I am free. That all this pain sole purpose was to strengthen me. Today I can honestly say I do not want a relationship, and that the past no longer hurt. To understand this story, there are several things that I tell.

in my life have always mattered more people than me. My expectations were high and therefore I was never satisfied. When it came time to be in a relationship only my expectations were raised and the person in question was both my age and my pride. His achievements were mine, for that was mine. Her virtues graced my world and I just had to correct what I did not like and add what you wanted.

had a totally sick of what was supposed to be love. Do not think that just thinking about me, because even in my selfishness, I wanted to offer and complement. For my love to liquefy meant losing oneself, forget the rest of the world and live in a self-referential universe which gradually eliminates all traces of others. They can then get an idea of \u200b\u200bwhat to me represented the breaks. It was as if I literally ripped off a piece of the body. My world was a half and when I left was not only his own world, but they stole part of mine.

addition to the two times I died are the rejects. I have always been hunting for whom I had not hunted. I never liked those I love. My ego is fragile, I am ashamed to admit it, but it's true, and each rejection was once like a dagger in the abdomen, some deeper than others. The sum of all I was twisting the guts, altering the image that was me. Still do not understand you pay with contempt admiration, nor what propelled me to continue with such clear signs of disinterest.

My vicious circle of love, suffer, lose-hunting was the way I endured the last two years. Trying to convince me that was fine, that I had already forgotten that only hunted for fun. I liked several people since I'm single and all have been disappointing and sometimes downright cruel.

The last time I was dragged about two weeks ago, although the weather does not get along with the pain and catharsis. I was ashamed of my lack of willpower to kiss that boy and kissed worse another in a bar just out of spite and fun. That is the reason I had not written. How to meet my readers face, betray myself, breaking my own promises? How dare I think of possible relations with these two people?

not bear my humiliation when a strange series of events brought me to this moment I feel full and calm. I managed to take my silly obsession with the boy who kissed her and felt glad that, when my two ex boyfriends and the subject of bar I looked. Could it be that the stars were aligned so that all the pain, past and present, new hopes and broken and had unresolved problems are put together that way?

Then it happened, I can not say at what time, or why, or how, just did not care all that. I calmly accept and decline invitations and continue my life without any expectations. I left behind all the men in my life. Those who weighed and they were only an escape. I do not feel alone because I do not feel incomplete. I feel that I finally learned a lesson I should learn. My pain has not been in vain, that my search has taught me that I finally know myself and I do not need anyone else.

Today I can say without lying that what worries me most is my school, which had neglected my family, my friends and books and movies I see. I have many tattoos make me feel like new, just for fun and writing here a couple of frivolous and worldly views that I would like to show.

Maybe now they seem boring, perhaps the entry is not worthwhile to be read, but I have done well to write it and be able to share with you, my readers. Much thanks for your patience, both for my absence, for inconsistencies and dramas that I usually write. I am not the person who used to be. Some may no longer read me, others may see further and stay with me. He writes Andrea

, the panther, who finally made it out of its cage and it feels more powerful than ever.

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What sustains the regime in Havana? They ask me every day people who have no idea of \u200b\u200bwhat and how to live under a totalitarian state. And I often wonder what I did too. He holds the repression. And the propaganda claims that muzzles and degrades to the best minds. And it maintains a state of survival that subjects the average citizen with basic needs met and with the constant search for something to put in their mouths. There is abundant time to think about the Universal Declaration of Human Rights when bread is in short supply. Know that dictators have fur they have. But it also supports our own inability. It would be worthwhile to insist a little more closely. That's one of the main shortcomings of those who predict the rapid fall of the government of Raul Castro and lies in sketching ideas such as "expect it awakens public awareness of Cubans." Those expecting an outburst from this vision of the Cuban be afraid of again disappointed. This is something that not a lot to address the issue of Cuba. That is, the real reasons why not expect much of our civic capacity loader and attachment to our little gestures democratic. Because it's not politically correct, they say. And mainly because it will always be a priority rather than punish the offender convict victims. But it is known that the Cubans have never shown much of what they call "civic consciousness." Not only because the waves return pendulum acts of repudiation or doubtful samples such continuing support daily published the official media. We simply do not have much to be proud when we look back, despite rolling over half a century of experience with democratic values \u200b\u200bRepublican. Where we lost. Where we went. It would be good to know. We can not boast much of civility. Let us "eat the coconut" easily. Voted to break with your feet, with the visas, the family trees to cross the Atlantic in Iberia, or rafts or boats to try to reach Florida or Cancun. So are most deserving opponents and win the Jail with it. And their mothers, daughters and wives, who march every week for streets and avenues of the capital city under police harassment and mobs not too distant tomorrow will benefit also from the status of freedom for which we fight today. And bloggers, with Yoani to the head. And those who report daily the many human rights violations there, which need not necessarily be called opponents. This war should not be exclusively theirs. But unfortunately this is understandable when they say they feel very alone.